Dreamer
Boy i am a dreamer
wake up lol
you have homework (unmanageable amount of) to do
The World of Blogs
“Oh! this this the post that you were talking about haha. Well, i have to agree with you Sophia (and Soo). I dislike cluster maps as well… In fact, right now i do not have a cluster map not because i wanted to get rid of it (or maybe i was lol) but because i had this problem with my blog and had to start it over. For some reason, or obviously, i am relieved with the cluster-map-less blog, so i am thinking of not having it at all…if it’s ok…
About the voice issue…hmm i think i don’t really have that issue since i do whatever i want to do and talk about whatever i want to talk about. I am a complete blabber in case you may have not noticed, but i think ‘voice’ is really important, and think that the whole point of having a blog is to find your own voice. Boy is this comment long lol.”
This was my comment on Sophia’s blog. I first will apologize for my type o. It’s supposed to be “Oh! this is the post…”
Since blogging has become included to our English curriculum many of the students’ territory of concern expanded to the world of blogs. I personally like blogging. I am a complete chatterbox so i like chattering in the form of writing as well. But I realized that there were few problems with blogging in this blog.
First of all, the cluster map. I do not necessarily think that the cluster map signifies anything, but it is sure disappointing to see ‘0′ for the number of visitors. As a result, even though i try not to pay attention to the cluster map i find myself clicking on my never changing cluster map almost everyday. Now, as I explained above, i do not have a cluster map, and i am happy…(er).
This leads to my next problem: the problem that i sometimes get conscious of the fact that this blog is watched. Although i really write freely how i feel and what i want to talk about i find myself worried when i know that my blog will be checked. Or am i supposed to be conscious?
Also, i have random periods that i get incredibly blogicious and times that i just completely forget about my blog, so when the blog checking day unfortunately coincides with my un-blogicious timing, it is very hard for me to write.
I was quite surprised after i learned that many of my friends were suffering with the issue of having a voice because i don’t think i really have a problem with this…although i don’t know if i have a distinctive voice or not. I think that this problem mostly happens because people know that they are being checked. Moreover, i thought that this can be quite an important issue because, at least for me, i thought that having a blog was to help you form your own voice and to hear others’ voices as well. I thought about the solution and i thought that maybe…really maybe…it will be better to have random, unannounced blog checks although i know that this will face great fulmination.
Life is Tough Every Second
My brother is seven years old (he’ll be eight in June) and to me he is living such a wonderful life. Although he goes to few hakwons he still doesn’t have to worry about any of the things that suffocate me. Nevertheless, my brother thinks that life is hard. His two page English homework is just too much for him, and the fact that he cannot buy some kind of toy that he wants is unbelievably stressful. He cries and gets mad at so frivolous things that i cannot help myself from laughing when i see his grave face with tears after he realizes that he cannot play with his best friend. I envy him so much that i tell him that i envy him for being young like a habit. However, he sighs and nods his head whenever i tell him that. It turns out my brother’s life is harder than it seems to be to HIM.
But i can fully understand him because i thought that life was so complicated and hard when i was young too. Although, i would love to be just ten years younger now, at that time life was really tough for me. I couldn’t understand why i was not allowed to eat chocolate ice cream everyday, i couldn’t understand why i was not allowed to watch TV all day, and i couldn’t understand why i had to listen to my parents. As I grew older i realized how foolish i was, but then life was hard again. In about 4th grade friendship was so hard and important (of course i think it is important still) that small bickering with friends would make my life covered with a blanket of misery. I thought that elementary school was so boring and lame that i wanted to quickly become a middle school student. Gradually, i grew up, matured and once again realized how silly i was. When i was in middle school everything got really hard (as usual). I had so much work to do compared to when i was in elementary school. I also had a completely immature belief that i was mature and grown up. I had very very vague hints of thoughts, or rather day dreams of college and immense hopes for high school.
Now i am in high school, and i miss my past very much. Everything is stressful and frustrating in high school. Especially, these days, and today in specific, I am realizing the grim forecast of my immediate future, so i feel myself sinking sinking and sinking. Yet, i am telling myself that it is time to rise!!! because even though right now, at this moment i am suffering, soon i will be missing my today. So much more is waiting for me, and i know that the days in front of me will be tough. Yet, after all, life IS tough every second until the present becomes the past.
photos from: http://normaldesign.net/normal/en/show.php?product=28, http://ucdavismagazine.ucdavis.edu/issues/su07/future_power.html
Polygamy…Religion?
I am an agnostic. I am not violently opposed to religions but I cannot say that i am spiritual or have strong faith. Still, I am quite interested in religions and yesterday I stumbled across the Mormons and the whole trial involving 416 children. The problem takes place in the sect or ranch of the Fundamentalist Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints (FLDS) in Texas. This group of people are polygamists. They believe that men should have at least three wives. This indeed is an issue. However, the staggering problems at this point are the child abuse and underage marriage.
The whole incident started with a phone call to the police, which reported the child abuse and underage marriage. After this, the police investigated the complex and this led to the trial involving the custody of 416 children. The police found that children at the age of 16 were getting pregnant and coerced to marry men that were much more older. Spiritual marriages, physical punishment, and sexual abuse were also evident. I suppose nobody knows how the trial will end. However, the parents do not want the State to take away their children. They assert that the cases of coercion and abuse are only particular cases and that most of their children are safe and happy. Yet, many are unconvinced of this view. Although it is true that taking away the children will be a phenomenal decision that will be followed with much chaos and disruption, skeptics believe that the women think that their children are fine since they are brainwashed. People say that the women and children are indoctrinated to accept the “beliefs”, and think that what they go through is perfectly normal.
This is an unbelievable tragedy in many ways. However, i could not help but focusing on the religion itself. Our society has norms that people accept and think are proper and normal. The Mormons simply have a different set of norms. I am in no way defending the acts of the Mormons. I truly think that what is happening there is condemnable and deplorable. Yet, it is just so queer and ironic to me because the people of FLDS are (at least from what i see) really convinced that what they believe and practice are right and that are they are following the laws of God. Consequently, from the view of them, the whole outer world might seem to be chaotic and blasphemous. They may think that we are the ones that are brainwashed. In fact, the Mormons can think that having one wife is a sin. However, some can say that the FLDS is wrong since they are conducting deeds that are unacceptable, that are against human rights, and that are against people’s beliefs. However, the yardstick of what is “right”, “acceptable”, and “normal” are provided by us, who do not have the same ideologies as the Mormons.
I have a firm stance when it comes to ethics and human rights, but i had to question whether my stance can be valid in the position of those who have drastically different positions from me. Furthermore, i had to question whether accusing the Mormons is the proper thing to do. Obviously, what they are doing must be stopped RIGHT NOW from the point of OUR VIEW, but when we really think about it the only thing that they are doing wrong is following their beliefs and the word of their God.
Once again, i have to stress the fact that i believe that everything happening in the ranch of the FLDS is absolutely intolerable. However, since i am not attached to any of the religions i think i am able to view this whole issue from many different or somewhat outrageous angles.
I know that this must be a daunting and rather daring question to ask…but i wonder whether what we think is right is really right, and whether our thoughts and norms are merely the outcome of the brainwash by the general public.
I hope the answers are what i want them to be, and i hope all the people (especially the women and children) suffering now from the crisis of FLDS can soon find peace.
The FLDS ranch or complex in Texas
(from http://standeyo.com/NEWS/06_Religion/060310.polygamist.html)
Things I Love
It is very interesting how although we seem to be surrounded with tangible things, what we actually think, talk, write about, and concentrate on are rather abstract things that are hard to grasp and hard to understand.
MEMORY
(For some reason, sunsets make me think of the past)
I am a pretty lagging behind person. (If this is an expression). I mull over things from long time ago for ever and ever. It is very bad to just sit and think about the past, but that’s what i do. I learned that psychologically, we tend to remember things in a more rosy version, so i guess this is half of the reason why i think about my past so much. Everything looks so precious in retrospect, so I sometimes even miss my worst memories. Since i love thinking about the past i love looking at photo albums as well. Time to time i sit down and look at all of the albums in my house, including the yearbook and look at all the faces. Being captured in the past is definitely not a good thing. However, I think memories are gifts. If we do not have lovely thoughts to refer back to, if we do not have things that we can depend on, and if we do not have the opportunity to smile at the infancy of us what will be the joy of life? Memories compose us and we compose those memories. Without my memories I will not be able to be who I am right now, and i will have no such memories if i am not who i am right now. We live a busy life, and it is always sad, lovely, and relieving to think about my precious memories and take a mental break.
WORRY
people who know me well enough will know how much i worry worry and worry just like the elf above. If ‘worry’ was something i could touch i swear i will grab it and tear it into parts, burn it, and then sprinkle it over the ocean. I worry until i get so occupied that not only is my mind malfunctioning but also is my body. To me, worry=headache=inability to pursue normal life. I think worries are things that should be overcame in order to have a successful life. Of course, it is a problem if you do not worry at all and live a completely blithesome and happy life, but i think that the fact that you are worrying too much shows the incapability of controlling your mind. It’s scary how such a small word and a intangible thing can be so big that it can dominate, influence, and basically shake my life.
DREAMS
apparently, Disney Land is “where dreams come true”. However, unfortunately, in spite of the fact that i am a very avid Disney lover, my dreams did NOT come true. Well, it will be a lie to say that none of my dreams came true but, not all of them. I think dreams are essential to our lives. Dreams are what helps us hang in there and dream more. I am a dreamer. I always day dream and think about my wonderful future. Sometimes, it is hard for me to come down to the real world, but i am always thankful that i can actually have a dream. When i say dream, i do not necessarily mean goals of life, or dreams that you dream when sleeping. I think i will put it as a vague, perhaps false and fantasized hope.
I have to get off topic because i just can’t stay on topic. I just realized how i sound like a person who wants to escape from the reality. In fact, people who read this post might think that i am living a pretty depressing life. I talk about how i miss my past, how i always worry, and now i am talking about how i have false hopes and dreams!!! But, although this may be true, i do not hate my life, and i would like to call myself a rather carefree happy person.
Well, to go back on topic… i have to say i love dreaming. Life may be beautiful but i always think that it can be more beautiful, and dreaming of it can be the first step of making the life more beautiful.
LOVE
Love is such a weird thing, and i will like to end my post with this weird thing, and i think that this funky picture well depicts the amorphous nature of the amorous feeling of love. Also, honestly, i cannot say that i know much about love, but still i want to be a fool for now and talk about it. There are so many types of loves, but i think the love between opposite sexes (or same) is highly interesting. People just love love, which must be the reason for almost every drama to have the theme of love. I think it is very ironic that people talk about love so much, when in fact they do not know love so well. For some reason, i associate love with illusion. When people think that they are in love, they really think that they are in LOVE. They think that the love that they have is so pure and genuine that it will last for ever. However, interestingly, people tend to find another “love” again in their life time, which will feel as pure and genuine as their past love. Moreover, it is very odd how people usually know what they are feeling with an exception of love. People know for sure that they are embarrassed, angry, happy or sad. Not many people ask “Am i sad?” to others, but so many people ask “Do you think i’m in love? Maybe i am in love? is this love that i am feeling?” This complicated and somewhat profound nature of love makes me think of the magic eye thing that tricks you to think that you are looking at a picture when really you’re not. Maybe love is like that, maybe it’s not there but we think that it is there. I know that it is silly to talk about love in such a young age, but really i think love is something that nobody can figure out.
Oh, and i really wonder why hearts look like hearts, because the real heart does not look like that…
photo credit: http://goflorida.about.com/library/graphics/sunset3.jpg
http://www.maniactive.com/Valentine/chakra-heart.jpg
http://eventservices.disney.go.com/files/10945349.jpg
http://www.elfwood.com/art/b/u/buddgirl/worry.jpg.html
horrible spring break!
Today is really the end of my precious spring break
i had great plans
but all of my plans could not be acted out with special thanks to my
wonderfully torturing cold that i had to fight!
Literally, the whole week was a battle against illness,
i am a really healthy person, and it was such a surprise that i was this sick
BUT
to be optimistic… it was fortunate that it was spring break because i didn’t have to worry
about school…
