I LOVE reality shows. I watch(ed) Project Runway, America’s Next Top Model, American Idol, The Hills, Laguna Beach, Real World, Orange County, The Life of Ryan, The Paper, Search of the Next Elle Woods, America’s Best Dance Crew, and a Korean reality called 우리결혼했어요, meaning we got married. Most of the times, especially for the reality shows that try to show the lives of the characters, i realize that the show is very fake and it is simply unproductive, meaningless, shallow and useless to watch the shows, but i still watch them haha. Well, since i watch so many shows i definitely caught a pattern.

Shows need to get high viewing rates, and for this the shows need to be interesting, and to be interesting the producers try to make the shows more provocative, scandalous, and sexual. As a result, many of the reality shows change their colors as the seasons progress. However, i wonder whether these methods of making the reality so rich really help. This idea suddenly hit me while i was watching Project Runway on Youtube. I was reading some comments and one comment said that her or she used to enjoy watching the desingers work the most, but now those parts became so boring, and i completely agreed. I could not read the whole comment because i had to quickly focus on the show haha but i thought about it while watching, and i found the reason for the boringness. It was because a long time ago.. or even last season, for some of the episodes, the designers actually working were shown on tv. However, now the focus was is not on the designers’ hands but on their mouths. In order to pick up the drama the edited parts only showed the parts when the designers were gossiping, back stabbing, or swearing. This peculiar editting must have been done in order to make the show more interesting, but obviously, at least for me, the show was becoming less interesting.

It must be very hard for the producers to make their shows real and intersting at the same time. I feel like these days the focus is more on interesting than on real. I really wonder whether the excessive salting and peppering helped the view rates. When looking at the apparent trend, i guess it does. If the rates really did go up, i think this can translate into – people like disturbing and scadalous stuff……Since i am one of the viewers of these shows does this mean that i do like these elements as well??? I hope that the answer for this questions is yes judging from the fact that i did not like the extra drama from Project Runway and that i stopped watching Real World Hollywood because it was just too much.

So, i think that the conclusion of my post came out to be interesting = disturbing, but i wonder if this formula always works.

credit: http://www.washfm.com/cc-common/news/sections/newsarticle.html?feed=&article=3648072

Obama’s speeches about the importance of unity and harmony show that he is very much willing to include Hillary into his team. However, which role will she actually take? I guess whether Hillary should be the Vice President or not is a highly debated topic. I personally think that that will be a good choice. I realize that Hillary is maybe a too strong woman and that the two are incompatible. However, i think the two together will make a powerful team. Honestly, many of the female supporters of Hilary are likely to be bitter about this issue. This is not only because of the fact that Hilary failed to be the presidential candidate but also because they think that the race was unfair. Many of her supporters believe that the media acted as Hilary’s foe, and i think this is true. Throughout the race so many positive articles about Obama were published. He was more of an idol than a candidate. Also, when Hilary did not drop out of the race there was such a buzzz regarding why in the world she would not quit when in fact, she did better than Obama from March. Recently, she got nailed for spitting out very controversial comments of how Kennedy was assassinated in June. This made both her supporters and husband enraged. Having said this, there can be a high possibility for Hilary’s supporters to not vote for Obama. Yet, with Hilary in the picture, things will be different. Some people think that the two are a dream ticket. Furthermore, Hilary said that she will consider being the V. president.

Although this may be too early, people are also discussing the role of Hilary once she becomes the Vice President. This issue is highly complicated because Hilary has so much “baggage,” namely Bill Clinton. Not only is Hilary’s actual role as the VP is debatable but also is Bill Clinton’s. When Hilary and Bill campaigned, they told the people how it is like 2 for 1 because they come as a package and obviously Bill Clinton is an accomplished politician who will continue to be very influential. Yet, it is hard to determine whether this 2 for 1 will work when Hilary is the VP. Well, we are not even sure if Bill Clinton will be even willing to be involved as the Vice President’s husband.

Regardless of the results and regardless of all the fuss i think that this election is and will be a very memorable one. Obama is the first black presidential candidate. Hilary was the first woman to be this close of becoming the first woman presidential candidate. There was much controversy and drama.

AND although this is pretty weird to say but once again women came short..When we think about the right to vote, black people came first, then the women. I guess the same went for this election. Although i am very happy that the United States is showing much change and is wanting the “change” that Obama will hopefully offer, but something (perhaps since i am a girl) makes me a little bit sad.

credit: http://blog.washingtonpost.com/the-trail/2007/09/28/mercado_mosk.html

Now, i no longer suffer greatly from these symptoms as the panic of SAT 2s really hit me and all the final projects are making me sick… I realized, although i knew it all along, that i am not graduating, and that i have so much left to even think about the end.

When i was suffering from my abnormal disease it was really hard for me because i dreaded, and am still dreading, the end of the year. Mr. Aitken said that it was rather strange for me to not want summer vacation but i’ve got things to do before the end of this year.

i have true respect and veneration toward the seniors and all those who graduated. I now understand what they went through and am about to meet the final hills of high school. (by the way i met Rhee Soo!)

I know that i have been saying extremely depressing stuff throughout the past few weeks and repeatedly told myself and through the blog that i needed to get a grip and rise from the very unpleasantly crumpled thoughts and swirling force of depression and loss of motivation, but i think i don’t need to be all depressed anymore. What i need to do is to NOT think but just do whatever i need to do because i have things to do, dreams to grasp, goals to reach, ego to recover, life to pursue, and me to be.

credit: http://search.boston.com/local/Search.do?s.sm.query=housing%20market&new=n&s.si(simplesearchinput).offset=10

Welllllll today many things happened. Many many things happened and FORTUNATELY it was raining!!! Yay, which is my most hated weather ever, and the sticky, humid, hot weather just made everything wonderful.

Soo, Sophia, and I were all very much in the same mood. We were all about to explode so we were laughing and shouting like mad..people. We all knew ..or we at least believed or thought that we could do NOTHING with this..attitude or mood, so we decided to not go home. In stead we decided to go somewhere in Sunae. On the way to Sunae we were continuing on with the grumpy mood…Screaming, laughing, and doing goofy stufff (i believe this was out of stress). BUT beautiful Soo stepped on my flip flop and broke it for the THIRD time!!! and they were brand new…i bought them this Sunday. I threw a tantrum and we started to try to fix it in the middle of the street. We all sat down and were all shouting, screaming, laughing, trying to fix my flip flop and ummm just being weird girls (drivers stared at us.)

After approximately 15 minutes we finally managed to repair my flip flop. We were tired, annoyed, fatigued, sweaty, and just miserably amused and angry for some reason. We were too tired to do anything so we just sat in McDonald’s ate a hamburger, and went home. This experience was very very not so “special” and not so pleasing, but it sure did lift my spirit.

I never was this low this long for a long time… I am worried about myself. I am extremely thoughtlessly happy as if i lost my mind, but so many thoughts swallow me up and really drown me. Seriously, Sunny, there is a reason that you are named Sunny.

I love you Sophia and Soo, Soo and Sophia

Ooooo we are triple S! (huh? i sound crazy…haha)

it was depressing at best and i was (perhaps am) about to have a melt down

i get easily stressed and the stress that i am feeling is on the verge of becoming dangerous

as a result i spent the most unproductive weekend ever

it is easy for me to just let go of things but before i let go of things

i go through painful processes

i may be a girl who gets stressed well and obsesses with petty things

but i believe that my obsessions are imporatan at least at this moment

what i am obsessing over can be directly connected to my future……..

i do not want my dream to be ruined

i am scared

i am really scared

i had a similar experience about 3 years ago but i understand that my current circumstances are worse

i do not know how to recover in a snap

i do not know what to do when why dreams are jeopardized

i know how to give up dreams

but that is the last thing i want to do

i need to snap out of this pathetic me

wake up

wake up

and face it

do whatever you can do to fix this

there are ups and downs in life and since i hit the bottom

it’s time to soar

yes, i am incredibly miserable but

no, i will not make my life itself miserable

and yes, i will make my life incredible from now on

photo credit:http://www.the-reel-mccoy.com/movies/2004/TheIncredibles.html

i regret for not being able to be well prepared and i regret that i made a HUGE mistake while taking the world history exam. I do not want to blame everything on external forces but i really think that i am out of luck these days. From the SATs….and now my AP.

Stilllll…regardless of how grumpy i feel time passes  and things happen

now it is nearly the end of the year and i need to pump my energy up to raise my grades that DROPPED and i have to start being prepared to become a good senior

i don’t want to make a mess out of my senior year

i don’t wan to mess with the most important year of my high school career like i did..this year!

Still i want to make the best out of my junior year

and i want to have a wonderful senior year

no more messy days for me

just good good days should be and will be waiting for me

This was my comment on Sophia’s blog. I first will apologize for my type o. It’s supposed to be “Oh! this is the post…”

Since blogging has become included to our English curriculum many of the students’ territory of concern expanded to the world of blogs. I personally like blogging. I am a complete chatterbox so i like chattering in the form of writing as well. But I realized that there were few problems with blogging in this blog.

First of all, the cluster map. I do not necessarily think that the cluster map signifies anything, but it is sure disappointing to see ‘0′ for the number of visitors. As a result, even though i try not to pay attention to the cluster map i find myself clicking on my never changing cluster map almost everyday. Now, as I explained above, i do not have a cluster map, and i am happy…(er).

This leads to my next problem: the problem that i sometimes get conscious of the fact that this blog is watched. Although i really write freely how i feel and what i want to talk about i find myself worried when i know that my blog will be checked. Or am i supposed to be conscious?

Also, i have random periods that i get incredibly blogicious and times that i just completely forget about my blog, so when the blog checking day unfortunately coincides with my un-blogicious timing, it is very hard for me to write.

I was quite surprised after i learned that many of my friends were suffering with the issue of having a voice because i don’t think i really have a problem with this…although i don’t know if i have a distinctive voice or not. I think that this problem mostly happens because people know that they are being checked. Moreover, i thought that this can be quite an important issue because, at least for me, i thought that having a blog was to help you form your own voice and to hear others’ voices as well. I thought about the solution and i thought that maybe…really maybe…it will be better to have random, unannounced blog checks although i know that this will face great fulmination.

My brother is seven years old (he’ll be eight in June) and to me he is living such a wonderful life. Although he goes to few hakwons he still doesn’t have to worry about any of the things that suffocate me. Nevertheless, my brother thinks that life is hard. His two page English homework is just too much for him, and the fact that he cannot buy some kind of toy that he wants is unbelievably stressful. He cries and gets mad at so frivolous things that i cannot help myself from laughing when i see his grave face with tears after he realizes that he cannot play with his best friend. I envy him so much that i tell him that i envy him for being young like a habit. However, he sighs and nods his head whenever i tell him that. It turns out my brother’s life is harder than it seems to be to HIM.

But i can fully understand him because i thought that life was so complicated and hard when i was young too. Although, i would love to be just ten years younger now, at that time life was really tough for me. I couldn’t understand why i was not allowed to eat chocolate ice cream everyday, i couldn’t understand why i was not allowed to watch TV all day, and i couldn’t understand why i had to listen to my parents. As I grew older i realized how foolish i was, but then life was hard again. In about 4th grade friendship was so hard and important (of course i think it is important still) that small bickering with friends would make my life covered with a blanket of misery. I thought that elementary school was so boring and lame that i wanted to quickly become a middle school student. Gradually, i grew up, matured and once again realized how silly i was. When i was in middle school everything got really hard (as usual). I had so much work to do compared to when i was in elementary school. I also had a completely immature belief that i was mature and grown up. I had very very vague hints of thoughts, or rather day dreams of college and immense hopes for high school.

Now i am in high school, and i miss my past very much. Everything is stressful and frustrating in high school. Especially, these days, and today in specific, I am realizing the grim forecast of my immediate future, so i feel myself sinking sinking and sinking. Yet, i am telling myself that it is time to rise!!! because even though right now, at this moment i am suffering, soon i will be missing my today. So much more is waiting for me, and i know that the days in front of me will be tough. Yet, after all, life IS tough every second until the present becomes the past.

photos from: http://normaldesign.net/normal/en/show.php?product=28, http://ucdavismagazine.ucdavis.edu/issues/su07/future_power.html

The whole incident started with a phone call to the police, which reported the child abuse and underage marriage. After this, the police investigated the complex and this led to the trial involving the custody of 416 children. The police found that children at the age of 16 were getting pregnant and coerced to marry men that were much more older. Spiritual marriages, physical punishment, and sexual abuse were also evident. I suppose nobody knows how the trial will end. However, the parents do not want the State to take away their children. They assert that the cases of coercion and abuse are only particular cases and that most of their children are safe and happy. Yet, many are unconvinced of this view. Although it is true that taking away the children will be a phenomenal decision that will be followed with much chaos and disruption, skeptics believe that the women think that their children are fine since they are brainwashed. People say that the women and children are indoctrinated to accept the “beliefs”, and think that what they go through is perfectly normal.

This is an unbelievable tragedy in many ways. However, i could not help but focusing on the religion itself. Our society has norms that people accept and think are proper and normal. The Mormons simply have a different set of norms. I am in no way defending the acts of the Mormons. I truly think that what is happening there is condemnable and deplorable. Yet, it is just so queer and ironic to me because the people of FLDS are (at least from what i see) really convinced that what they believe and practice are right and that are they are following the laws of God. Consequently, from the view of them, the whole outer world might seem to be chaotic and blasphemous. They may think that we are the ones that are brainwashed. In fact, the Mormons can think that having one wife is a sin. However, some can say that the FLDS is wrong since they are conducting deeds that are unacceptable, that are against human rights, and that are against people’s beliefs. However, the yardstick of what is “right”, “acceptable”, and “normal” are provided by us, who do not have the same ideologies as the Mormons.

I have a firm stance when it comes to ethics and human rights, but i had to question whether my stance can be valid in the position of those who have drastically different positions from me. Furthermore, i had to question whether accusing the Mormons is the proper thing to do. Obviously, what they are doing must be stopped RIGHT NOW from the point of OUR VIEW, but when we really think about it the only thing that they are doing wrong is following their beliefs and the word of their God.

Once again, i have to stress the fact that i believe that everything happening in the ranch of the FLDS is absolutely intolerable. However, since i am not attached to any of the religions i think i am able to view this whole issue from many different or somewhat outrageous angles.

I know that this must be a daunting and rather daring question to ask…but i wonder whether what we think is right is really right, and whether our thoughts and norms are merely the outcome of the brainwash by the general public.

I hope the answers are what i want them to be, and i hope all the people (especially the women and children) suffering now from the crisis of FLDS can soon find peace.

The FLDS ranch or complex in Texas

(from http://standeyo.com/NEWS/06_Religion/060310.polygamist.html)

MEMORY

(For some reason, sunsets make me think of the past)

I am a pretty lagging behind person. (If this is an expression). I mull over things from long time ago for ever and ever. It is very bad to just sit and think about the past, but that’s what i do. I learned that psychologically, we tend to remember things in a more rosy version, so i guess this is half of the reason why i think about my past so much. Everything looks so precious in retrospect, so I sometimes even miss my worst memories. Since i love thinking about the past i love looking at photo albums as well. Time to time i sit down and look at all of the albums in my house, including the yearbook and look at all the faces. Being captured in the past is definitely not a good thing. However, I think memories are gifts. If we do not have lovely thoughts to refer back to, if we do not have things that we can depend on, and if we do not have the opportunity to smile at the infancy of us what will be the joy of life? Memories compose us and we compose those memories. Without my memories I will not be able to be who I am right now, and i will have no such memories if i am not who i am right now. We live a busy life, and it is always sad, lovely, and relieving to think about my precious memories and take a mental break.

WORRY

people who know me well enough will know how much i worry worry and worry just like the elf above. If ‘worry’ was something i could touch i swear i will grab it and tear it into parts, burn it, and then sprinkle it over the ocean. I worry until i get so occupied that not only is my mind malfunctioning but also is my body. To me, worry=headache=inability to pursue normal life. I think worries are things that should be overcame in order to have a successful life. Of course, it is a problem if you do not worry at all and live a completely blithesome and happy life, but i think that the fact that you are worrying too much shows the incapability of controlling your mind. It’s scary how such a small word and a intangible thing can be so big that it can dominate, influence, and basically shake my life.

DREAMS

apparently, Disney Land is “where dreams come true”. However, unfortunately, in spite of the fact that i am a very avid Disney lover, my dreams did NOT come true. Well, it will be a lie to say that none of my dreams came true but, not all of them. I think dreams are essential to our lives. Dreams are what helps us hang in there and dream more. I am a dreamer. I always day dream and think about my wonderful future. Sometimes, it is hard for me to come down to the real world, but i am always thankful that i can actually have a dream. When i say dream, i do not necessarily mean goals of life, or dreams that you dream when sleeping. I think i will put it as a vague, perhaps false and fantasized hope.

I have to get off topic because i just can’t stay on topic. I just realized how i sound like a person who wants to escape from the reality. In fact, people who read this post might think that i am living a pretty depressing life. I talk about how i miss my past, how i always worry, and now i am talking about how i have false hopes and dreams!!! But, although this may be true, i do not hate my life, and i would like to call myself a rather carefree happy person.

Well, to go back on topic… i have to say i love dreaming. Life may be beautiful but i always think that it can be more beautiful, and dreaming of it can be the first step of making the life more beautiful.

LOVE

Love is such a weird thing, and i will like to end my post with this weird thing, and i think that this funky picture well depicts the amorphous nature of the amorous feeling of love.  Also, honestly, i cannot say that i know much about love, but still i want to be a fool for now and talk about it. There are so many types of loves, but i think the love between opposite sexes (or same) is highly interesting. People just love love, which must be the reason for almost every drama to have the theme of love. I think it is very ironic that people talk about love so much, when in fact they do not know love so well. For some reason, i associate love with illusion. When people think that they are in love, they really think that they are in LOVE. They think that the love that they have is so pure and genuine that it will last for ever. However, interestingly, people tend to find another “love” again in their life time, which will feel as pure and genuine as their past love. Moreover, it is very odd how people usually know what they are feeling with an exception of love. People know for sure that they are embarrassed, angry, happy or sad. Not many people ask “Am i sad?” to others, but so many people ask “Do you think i’m in love? Maybe i am in love? is this love that i am feeling?” This complicated and somewhat profound nature of love makes me think of the magic eye thing that tricks you to think that you are looking at a picture when really you’re not. Maybe love is like that, maybe it’s not there but we think that it is there. I know that it is silly to talk about love in such a young age, but really i think love is something that nobody can figure out.

Oh, and i really wonder why hearts look like hearts, because the real heart does not look like that…

photo credit: http://goflorida.about.com/library/graphics/sunset3.jpg

http://www.maniactive.com/Valentine/chakra-heart.jpg

http://eventservices.disney.go.com/files/10945349.jpg

http://www.elfwood.com/art/b/u/buddgirl/worry.jpg.html